Keeping You In Stitches

Archive for August 2009

Needed to use up a free Southwest airline ticket so decided to visit friends that live in Georgetown, TX, a Del Web “retirement” community.  However, if I was writing their propoganda, I would refer to it as “senior years on a college campus”.  A good example:  these “old” (loose term) people do Halloween up right….they each carry a shot glass and go “trick or drinking”.  Apparently, it’s a way to get rid of alcohol you no longer like or care for…..I think the last house they hit up, usually gives them coffee and aspirin! LOL

Arrived there last October and was picked up by my friend Sandra, in her Smart car!  Our’s hadn’t arrived yet…bummer.  Picked up before lunch so we had most of the day to play.

I had scouted out some fiber farms that I wanted to visit to see what they had, since I had just purchased a spinning wheel.  Sandra had no clue what we were doing…which was fun for me! LOL

Went to one fiber farm, Fire Ant Ranch.  They had just returned from a fiber festival and her inventory was pretty low. I asked her to demo the electric spinning wheel since Sandra was such a newbie. She was impressed.

Then we headed off to another place, which I cannot remember the name of, and that’s really pathetic because she had tons, and tons, and tons of fiber and yarn for sale and actually sells on the internet.  It was a real business for her and she was most gracious in allowing us to pick through things….her garage, double garage was piled full of bales of fiber and some already spun yarn.  I want to go there the next time I’m visiting in Georgetown.

Started getting a little queasy while we were in this woman’s shop and just motioned to Sandra that I needed to go outside for some air after quickly paying for my prized possessions.  Told her to take her time, I just needed fresh air.  When she came out, she took one look at me and said “I think we’d better head home”.  Sandra got no argument from me on that.

We weren’t that far from her house, which was good, and I promptly went in and laid down, quickly falling asleep.  I heard her open the door to check on me but I couldn’t move.  After a couple of hours of sound sleep, very sound sleep, I might add, I got up feeling much better.  Never did barf on this trip, so maybe laying down and sleeping before it gets to the barfing stage is the key.

Tomorrow’s chapter will most likely be the most graphic….so be prepared….can you guess where…a hint, west of the good old Mississippi!

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Yep, folks, Fenway Park, the real Fenway Park, and get this…..in the broadcast booth is where my next barfing escapade took place.  Men…..eat your heart out!!!  My SIL, being a staunch Cubs fan, couldn’t wait to tell his Red Sox buddies of my good fortune!

Hubby had the brainy idea to purchase Dockers Pants for free airline tickets anywhere in the continental US.  Well, after a major fiasco in getting to use these tickets, which includes getting phone and email time with the person that was in charge of this promotion, our trip came  to fruition.

Last June we planned a long week-end in Boston.  Even used priceline for a hotel and did we ever get a deal…..right on the “main thoroughfare” running through Boston, facing the Rose Kennedy Gardens, across from the famous Boston Fire Department and what a beautiful building that is!

Didn’t realize that the airport is basically on an island there.  Being the adventurous twosome, we decided to take a water taxi from the airport to the hotel.  Highly, highly recommend it….why sit in traffic when you can boat across the bay with no traffic lights, etc.

Hotel normally went for $525+ a night and good old William Shatner got it for us for $125/night.  What a steal….the most gorgeous tile bathroom…..and with my “disease”, bathrooms are important to me.

As usual, dropped the luggage off at the hotel and again, hit the ground running.  Boston is a very walkable city; in the “historic” district, there is a row of bricks in the sidewalk to follow if you choose to not take a guided tour.  Just pick up a pamphlet explaining the highlights along the brick way.  So cool and very interesting….one word of caution….wear comfortable shoes!  Remember, back in the day, there were cobblestone streets, and there still are cobblestone streets today.

Wandered everywhere that first day!  Called a friend in Texas to ask if she remembered where Paul Revere’s house was and lo and behold, we were standing in front of it!  It’s one of those places you must visit if you can find it….sign for it was very high on a high fence.  I could never have been a pioneer woman – but I bet I could have junked up the house really quickly, since they were so small….all the children could have slept outdoors as long as my precious things were protected!

Fell into bed that night and while drifting off to dreamland, the sinking feeling of when is the barfing going to start kept me awake…because I didn’t feel the urge yet!

Next day we headed to Fenway Park for a tour.  A must on everyone’s list even if you’re not a baseball fan!  So much history and the guides are very entertaining!  Tour groups are fairly small so all questions can be asked and answered. We had just sat down in the stands for the opening of the tour with stats of the ballpark, etc.  Then we headed upward to the “booths” where important people get to watch the game.  While standing in the hallway, and listening to the tour guide, the “wave” came over me….in a narrow hall, all doors are closed, and I’m hanging back to bring up the rear of the group.  I looked at hubby and mouthed “I’m going to barf”…..he immediately started opening doors, which of course, most were locked.  Finally found one and lo and behold, there was a huge basket with a swing-top lid…this is important because the first wave of nausea hit before I could get the lid open!  Yep, folks, I was barfing in the broadcast booth and missed the basket the first time.  Stood and barfed and barfed and barfed and then caught up with the group…..no one in the tour group was any wiser to my antics.  However, to this day, I still feel guilty for not telling anyone because the stench in there had to be awful for the next game. (No tours are held on game days.)

Took forever to find a drinking fountain to rinse out my mouth….and then, it was on with the tour.

Anyone coming up with a disease name for this barfing yet?

Went to Harvard and looked around the campus – it’s gorgeous!  Lots of spring festivals were being held and those are always fun to witness.

Also took one of the famous Duck Tours – where you ride an amphibious vehicle – land for part of the tour and water for the rest.

Also, heard bagpipes and followed the music….bagpipes are cool and what better place than Boston to hear a “bagpipe band” wandering around playing all the Irish tunes.

Winding down on the barfing antics….but still have a couple of more places to write about….can you guess where the next one is?

We, hubby and I, love the Southwest!  I think my love of it is in my genes since Pocahontas and other Indians and I go way, way, way back.

January ’09, we decided we needed a long week-end get-away – hoping for nice weather, etc., we chose Albuquerque, New Mexico.  The architecture is very intriguing along with the southwest-type colors, making me long for an Albuquerque home. (LOL)

When we arrived at the airport, walking through to get our luggage, I suddenly realized that I felt like I could hardly put one foot in front of the other and seemed thoroughly exhausted.  Picked up our rental car, which was a treat because we just walked out of the airport across the street and chose a car…none of that waiting for a shuttle to be driven to the neverlands to get to the car rental lot.

Driving out of the airport, hubby says where do you want to go first?  My reply was I would just like to go to the hotel and sit/rest for a bit.  I still can’t figure out why he asked what I wanted to do, because it was before noon when we arrived and had the rest of the day to conquer Albuquerque!

Well, he found a great parking place near Old Town, so we were on our shopping expedition.  Nothing intrigued me! That should have been the first clue that something was wrong!  I’m a shopper from way back and will probably be shopping when I meet my demise!

Wandered around Old Town, grabbed a quick sandwich for lunch…which should have been another clue, I wasn’t hungry!

Hubby insisted we go to this wonderful Mexican restaurant…can’t remember the name of it.  It’s a former bowling alley and converted into a huge, huge restaurant…lots of nooks and crannies.  We were seated in a room with a  roaring fire in the fireplace.  Had to wait a while to be seated…this place was CROWDED.  Ordered a meal, which I knew I would never be able to eat….meal arrived and it looked delicious….aha….maybe I was hungry for some good Mexican food!  Unable to eat it all, portions are huge, we finally headed to the hotel.

Remember: we arrived in Albuquerque that morning before noon and it’s now 8:30 ish p.m. and we’re finally headed to the hotel.

I literally fell into bed and immediately went into a deep sleep, which didn’t last long.  I got hot, got cold, flipped and flopped, felt like if I didn’t keep moving, I would eventually be paralyzed from the aches.  Early in the morning, the first wave of barfing began.  I hurt so badly, it was all I could do to get out of bed.  Sat on the toilet with a wastebasket in my lap (sort of like hugging the porcelain throne).

The barfing began and I thought I would never stop!  Hubby gets up and comes to the bathroom door, Oh, gosh, are you sick?  My smart mouth wouldn’t let me reply – No, I like sitting on the throne with a waste basket in my lap – looks pretty darn stylish, doesn’t it?

Drug my sorry ass back to bed and fell into a deep sleep.  To make a long story short, I was like this the whole day.  Hubby would go out for a few hours and come back and check on me….his first words when he entered the room were usually, gosh you haven’t moved.

About 6 p.m., I thought I would feel better if I could just get in the shower…..thought I’d get dressed and maybe go out for a little bit.  That was a major aha moment.  Got out of the shower and wasn’t sure I was going to make it back to bed. Finally, who knows what time it was, I just know it was dark outside, hubby returns sort of giddy because he’d been to a casino.  Keep in mind, if I was of able body and spirit, there would be no way in hell we’d have gone to a casino – because I LOVE them!  I always feel if I leave with a little bit of money, I have won big! HA!

Drank a little 7-up for dinner, and headed off to dreamland again. 

Woke up the next morning feeling like I had been run over by a truck….headed to eat a light breakfast and decided we’d take the Silver Trail to Taos, NM. Went up to the ski slopes and watched. I will admit the snow was pretty.  As the day went on, my coloring returned and I was ready to travel – however, the next day we had to head home.

What started out as a nice 4-day week-end….well, let’s just say it puts a crimp in it when you’re zonked out for over 24 hrs. – feels like you had no week-end fun at all.

Can you guess where my barfing will take place tomorrow….most men will be very impressed!!!

oakalley2

Famous and infamous, Oak Alley Plantation is located between New Orleans and Baton Rouge, LA.  It is one of the most impressive plantations to vist.  It was built in 1839.  And I, dear readers, had the distinct pleasure of being offered the “staff” restroom to barf in.

Where I used to work was a hoot!  We did lots of good things in the office for people, while relieving our stress by taking “girl trips”.  Once in a while on these trips, a guy in the office tagged along.  We have even been known to fly to New Orleans for the day and return home that night!

One great trip we took was to New Orleans, visiting all the great historic sites, not just the baudry of Bourbon Street.

Our first site seeing trip was to the plantation of Oak Alley.  We arrived at the plantation in our best finery – boas!  I wore a red boa because I was the tour guide of our group.  While we were waiting for our tour to begin….the stomach started to get queasy….oh Lord, I was going to barf in an historic plantation in front of “millions” of people – what was I going to do?

I gave my boa a toss over the shoulder and headed for a real tour guide – explaining my situation – of which she promptly tried to direct me to a public restroom in the souvenir building!  I frantically tried to explain, there was no way I was going to make it that far…grabbing my stomach.  She immediately went into “fast, frantic mode” and showed me the restroom that the staff used…..as a friend that was with me said….”all I saw was the red boa tossed over your shoulder, you making a mad, frantic dash and a door quickly closing”.

I wish I could figure out what is causing these stupid episodes…it’s embarrassing and some day, I’m not going to make it to a private area to barf!

After a few minutes in the staff restroom, and splashing water on my face, my pulse points, etc., I came out of the restroom with my head held high.  And lo and behold there was a friend, Connie, waiting for me….she’ll never know what a welcome sight she was.

Continued on the tour of the plantation and had a wonderful trip the rest of the time – took a night time ghost tour, tour of a cemetary – oh, my gosh…..in the cemetary there was a gravestone with the name Mark (my hubby’s name) and his birthdate (month and day, duh!, not the year!) and his wife was named Nancy (my name) with my birthdate. When people sometimes say “they froze in time”….well I know what they mean, because I stood there with goosebumps and could only gulp.  It was a freaky moment for me!  Does that mean in a before life we were married?

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s chapter located somewhere in the west – can you guess where?

Another glorious trip to FL to visit daughter and son-in-law….resulting in a last minute “hey, let’s go to Disney World”.  When I was younger, much, much younger, I absolutely adored Disney World!  I still do, it’s just the age-thing won’t let me enjoy all the wonderful rides without paying for it afterwards.

We had rented a van to haul everyone – on the way there, I started to get this mysterious illness again!  Zonked out in the front seat – aware of all the conversations, but unable to contribute because it was way too much effort to move my mouth. (Those that know me, will be shocked about this, I’m sure!)

Left in the wee hours of the morning because a day at Disney is not complete unless you arrive at the opening and are the last ones to leave.

Going through a drive thru for breakfast, most likely McDonald’s, I was jostled awake and asked if I wanted anything…ahhh, nope, was the answer.

Arrived at Disney and it was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other; finally, I found a bench, yes, a cold steel/metal bench, uncomfortable as all get out!  Told everyone to go have a fun time and just come back once in awhile to make sure I’m still breathing. 

Spent most of the day lying on the bench….which I made sure was near a trash bin….yep, folks, I hurled at Disney – and more than one time.

As my family would check on me, they’d say, you haven’t moved or changed positions!  Well, no duh!!!  They just weren’t around while I was in barfing mode.

As late afternoon approached, I was beginning to feel a tad better and walked with them; however, I still wouldn’t ride anything.  This is the only “unfun” day at Disney I’ve ever had!  And I’ve had plenty of fun ones….

Any guesses where tomorrow’s barfing will take place?

Many years ago when the oldest daughter moved to FL, I began a medical mystery that to this day haunts me.

For some reason, when I fly (anywhere), within 48 hours I get very ill and vomit, turn extremely pale, feel like crap, but eventually return to “normalcy”.

The first time this mysterious illness happened was the first time hubby and I flew to Ft. Myers to see the new digs she and hubby moved in to and to see their work place, etc.

Being beach idiots, of course the first thing we wanted to do was head to Ft. Myers Beach.  Within a mile or two of their apartment, I immediately yelled “pull over, I’m going to be sick”.  And thus the mysterious illness began!  There’s a special corner, called “Nancy’s Corner” that began it all.  Everytime, to this day, when we go by it, someone comments, there it is…..The Corner, still filled with all kinds of newspaper/print boxes – some free, some for pay.

After arriving at the beach and finding a place to park, the “wave” overcame me again.  I often wonder what the family that was headed to the beach with all their floats, towels, etc. and 5 kids thought when they passed the car in the parking lot and I’m hanging out the door barfing like crazy.

Some other quirks about this mystery illness – it never happens on a return flight; it is not air sickness.

This saga will have many chapters….I assure you, I have barfed in some of the finest establishments across the good ole USA!

I firmly believe it is now time for a 3-party system in the US…..the Democrats, the Republicans, and the Party of Common Sense.

As soon as a politician gets “the” vote,  he/she seems to lose all common sense…..some things do not need to be studied; ie:  texting while driving is dangerous – hhhheeeellllloooooowwwwww!  That would fall under common sense for me.


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