Keeping You In Stitches

Archive for March 2008

Velma received many beautiful and thoughtful gifts!  Having gotten home a little after 2 a.m. and being unable to fall asleep, well, you get the picture, today is LONG day and I got tired of downloading pictures. Just trust me, she got some cute and fun gifts! LOL


March 30th is/was Velma’s 60th birthday!  She was adamant about no celebratory party; but you know me, once a party planner, always a party planner.

It’s a standard laugh that when Velma, Deloris, Pat and I went on our first S.E.X. trip to the Atlanta area,  dear Velma pointed out every friggin’ Waffle House between Bowling Green and Atlanta!  Let me tell you, Waffle Houses populate the south!

Originally, Deloris and I thought about having a breakfast at Cracker Barrel on a Saturday morning for the FEW pitiful souls that are still working.  Then I got this brain storm, that dear Velma should have her first meal as a 60 year old at Waffle House; thus we showed up to decorate the little area we were in….Pat, Deloris and Emily were to go to Velma’s at 11:30 p.m. and drag her out of bed and bring her to the party.  (Oh, yes, we were all in p.j’s and robes, etc.)

As luck would have it, they arrived too early as the decorating was not done so we made them drive around in the parking lot! Exciting, huh?!

The above picture is her arriving for the festivities!


The Gang: l to r: me, Pat, Cat, Joanne, the Birthday Bitch, Deloris, Jan and Emily

bdaytable.jpgThe birthday table with Velma and Pat.

table1.jpgEmily, I think she has food in her mouth, Deloris and Jan.

unbelievable.jpgI cannot believe I’m 60 years old; yesterday I was just a teenager!


And the creme de la creme: ENTERTAINMENT!  These 3 “jail bait” boys showed up as a surprise to do a strip tease dance for the aging Velma.  Joanne was with us in case she had a heart attack (because she just passed her state boards and is a full-fledged R.N.) Note: there seem to be a lot grins in this picture and very few hands visible! LOL


Me, using the magnifying glass that was a party favor for all our poor old eyes, Joanne and Cat.

I’m pretty sure the Birthday Bitch had a bitchin’ good time….I know the rest of us did. 

for some riveting photos and comments from late Saturday night/early Sunday morning!!!  Shhhh…’s a surprise! LMAO

Got a call this morning from Cat and her daughter, Hannah, heard from her friend (see where this is going! LOL) that Sam’s had some “bitchin’ bathing suits”.  Since I have a Sam’s card she wanted to know if they could meet me there so Hannah could look for a “bitchin’ bathing suit”….Who am I to turn down a good friend to go shopping with!?

So off to Sam’s we go….however, there weren’t many suits left. 😦   Personally, I think Hannah was too polite to say, “well, all that’s left look like old lady suits!”

 But she thought her Mom and I looked cute shopping together because we’re close in height!

When Cat would say something that Hannah would maybe disagree with….Cat’s comment was “just you wait till your ovaries start to dry up!”

I was headed to Nashville for a Drs. appointment; while driving out of the subdivision, I was tail-gated by a female frantically brushing her teeth.  At every stop sign, she would open her car door and spit.  I thought it was hysterical…then when I came to the stop light, which, of course was red, I looked in the rear view mirror and was lighting up a cigarette!

Hmmm….freshly brushed teeth breath or cigarette smoke breath… make the decision!


I know you all are just dying to see my colon!  Dr. said it was perfect!  In fact, I made him repeat that sentence to make sure hubby heard – see parts of me are perfect!!!  In case your interesed the opening towards the right side of the picture is where your small intestine goes into the colon.  (He did take some biopsies)

Now for the best part!!!

This procedure was actually scheduled for Tuesday, not Monday!  I just wrote on the calendar, colonoscopy, and thought that the day before is when I do the prep (Easter Sunday).  They called the Dr. and he said he would do it anyway, isn’t he nice?! LOL  I know he has a soft spot for Dove chocolate so I’ll take him some for the follow up appointment.

Found this blog and glad to see that someone else shares my opinion!  The more yarn shops, the more places to visit, the more classes, new stuff, etc.  No one yarn shop can carry everything.

Since my Easter Sunday is already in the “crapper”, and while sitting on the toilet (get the visual here?), I had this wonderful idea of a tax deduction….TOILET PAPER!  It’s definitely needed in this medical procedure, correct?  I dare the IRS to question me on this.  Hmmm…..maybe I should be keeping it (the toilet paper) instead of flushing it away?

Sheesh!  I have to be the stupidest person!  Only I would schedule a colonoscopy the morning after Easter! (I didn’t realize it was Easter when it was scheduled!)

Therefore, my Easter dinner will consist of Ducolax and Miralax in Powerade!  I’ve already planned on ironing tomorrow; I will iron, run to the bathroom, iron, run to the bathroom (it’s close to the ironing board) oh, yeah, and watch NCAA tournaments.  I love this time of year and all the basketball! 

Mark offered to put a TV in the bathroom for me, however, none of the bathrooms are big enough to hold a TV and ironing board; well, one is, but the logistics wouldn’t work for me!

Therefore, I’m fixing turkey and all the trimmings for dinner tonight – no, ham, just not in a “hammy mood”.

Oh, before I start tomorrow’s “lush feedings”, I’m playing Easter Bunny for a friend that’s in FL; her 30 year old daughter is her baby and she said she would really appreciate me delivering this huge chocolate bunny!  She left it with me before I hurriedly went to FL – so I put a note on it so Mark wouldn’t eat it – “This is Sally’s – DO NOT EAT!”

So no peanut butter eggs for me….crap!

There are a few “cat” people in the group, but most of us have dogs, some have both!  One of the “cat” people informed me that when you have a cat you lower your blood pressure and have less chance of a heart attack or it might have been a stroke – whatever, it’s the major organ in your body!

I politely informed her that when you have 4 dogs, it tends to up your blood pressure and probably increase your chance for a tango with the major organ.  But then again, two of our dogs tend to like to lay on the back of the chairs and couches and curl up in a sunbeam, so I’ve deemed them, cat-like!

My personal opinion is any pet will lower your blood pressure (if not there’s a pill you can take) and probably soften your heart in those cute moments when you say to your spouse “look, look, aw, isn’t that cute”!

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